Love Story? Think Again.

 

J. A. Anderson

“Romeo and Juliet” is considered one of the most romantic, inspiring, love stories to date. But today I will show you why “Romeo and Juliet” is actually the worst love stories ever and here is why.

First of all, the relationship of Romeo and Juliet lasts a total of three days. Three days! No one can logically fall in love in three days because that is crazy. (Sorry Disney fans…but it’s true.) They don’t even go on a date or anything. They meet at a party, make out, get married, and die. Oh, and kill a few people in there.

Second of all, so many people die in this play it’s amazing. Romeo gets his best friend Mercutio killed. Then Romeo kills Tybalt, his wife’s family. Romeo also kills Paris. And Romeo kills himself. Oh, and Juliet kills herself, too. So much waste of life. If Romeo took one second to relax and think, Hmm, maybe because I just fell in love with some other girl yesterday, I should think about his girl first, we would not be having these problems.

Third of all, Romeo is a sappy hormone-driven, eighteen-year-old who marries a thirteen-year-old. Juliet is roughly thirteen and she has never fallen in love before. And then comes along an eighteen-year-old who can kiss well and spout some sappy poetry and suddenly, he is her whole life. Literally good enough to die for, apparently. Not to mention the fact that the play glorifies suicide. Oh, it’s okay to kill yourself, as long as it’s for love. It’s not like you have a whole life waiting for you, full of other people to meet and places to see.

Fourth of all, the whole play is not beautifully written poetry. Shakespeare wrote a play full of rape jokes and called it a love story. On the first page, a character talks about killing men and then raping and killing their women. Wow, romantic. Throughout the whole play, sexist jokes are placed perfectly so you are tricked into thinking it’s all about love, not lust. Plus the fact that Juliet is entirely useless if not for Romeo. Because women are nothing without a man, right? Wrong!

I could go on for years about why I hate “Romeo and Juliet” but here are four of the biggest reasons. Because honestly, the only thing tragic about this play is the fact that it was written.

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